n my last post, I asked the question, “What is sex?”
My thoughts on the standard positions, in short, “You have been weighed. You have been measured. And you have been found wanting.”
It’s time for a new position on Sex, one that appreciates the whole of the person and elevates sex without idolizing it.
SEX. What is it?
Not the literal definition, I know that, thank you very much. And I hope if you’re reading this, you do too.
In the more philosophical sense, what is sex? What is its purpose? And the all-consuming question: is it a need or a desire? Over the next few posts, I’d like to attempt to tackle those questions. Or, at least begin a dialogue. Something so fundamental to who we are as humans, and our existence, cannot be easily summarized in a few hundred words.
Is it sacred? Is it free? Is it dirty? Is it casual or is it serious business?
I was watching Pride and Prejudice this past weekend, which I do every time my husband goes out of town. It has to be the BBC 8 hour version with Colin Firth. If you’re a real fan, you’ll understand. You simply cannot scrimp on Jane Austen’s dialogue or on Mr. Firth. But I digress.
Aside from the intrigue, the scandals, the depth of characters, and the biting wit delivered in refined prose, Austen has an ability to talk about sex, relationships and the male/female dynamic in a manner that is timeless. Take this little gem for instance:
It’s unatural, restricting and goes against our natural instincts, which is why people get restless in marriage,” argued my friend as we sat discussing relationships and sexual fidelity. My line of work has a tendency to bring up these sort of conversations.
He’s not alone in thinking that. It’s a line of thought that gets used to rationalize a myriad of behavior in marriages, such as the one I addressed here .
But this looks at divorce only as the sum of the marriage experience and nothing before.
Newsflash: When the city records office hands you your marriage license, it doesn’t come with a giant reset button for all your habits, attitudes and expectations about relationships.
This last week The Huffington Post ran a brief article on an upcoming book by social scientist Catherine Hakim. In it she suggests that having extramarital affairs might actually make for a better relationship. I have not yet read the book, but I did read the excerpt printed in The Telegraph. While we may view this position as extreme, I would argue that the assumptions upon which it is based (at least from what I read in the excerpt) are what I see subtly permeating our culture, our conversations and the attitudes of many my age (20–30 year olds).