Marriage Is Not Valentine’s Day Every Day

I’m over at Verily Magazine posting today on what marriage is not. Come join me!

I was on the phone with a friend recently and off-handedly commented that my husband and I weren’t big into celebrating Valentine’s Day. To which she jokingly quipped, “Well that’s because you’re married. Isn’t every day Valentine’s Day?”

I about choked on my laughter.

We’ve all watched enough Oprah and Dr. Phil to know that marriage is hard work and that every relationship will have its own set of struggles. We believe that with our minds, but in our hearts we secretly assure ourselves that our marriage will be different. When we marry the right person, how could there be anything to fight about beyond what movie to rent or where to go to dinner? We’ll love each other so much that every day will carry a bit of the romance of Valentine’s Day and we’ll live happily ever after.

Eventually that long awaited day dawns, the veil is lifted, and we are able to experience the glories of marriage first hand. If you’re like me, you quickly find out is that these talking heads tell only half of the story.

Keep reading.

(Image viaShannon Lee Miller Photography)

8 thoughts on “Marriage Is Not Valentine’s Day Every Day

  1. Finally, a realistic and hopeful view on marriage. I’m single and have always felt uneasy about the message I from married people. I tend to see (from divorced friends) and hear from married people that it is the hardest thing in the world, which I don’t doubt it is. But when that is ALL I hear and see, it makes me wonder why anyone would ever get married at all? In real life, it sounds like more of a drag than a joy. My mind says “why take the risk of a friendship for the weight, of so much conflict and self-sacrifice”. But my heart and what I desire still pulls me towards the hope of having a close friend and companion on a level which I will never experience outside of marriage. What I am saying is that I don’t want to get lured into a marriage relationship with this hope of something great only to be slapped by reality every day for the rest of my life. Thanks for the realistic post, it is encouraging to me because I don’t want to have unrealistic expectations for this whole marriage thing. I do have a question though. Why does everyone feel this massive pull towards “romance” and a passionate, vibrant, life-bringing friendship…we all long for that…when we know it doesn’t exist. My mind says one thing, my heart says another and I don’t know which one to trust and why I can’t just make them agree. Any thoughts?

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    1. Well that’s probably best answered in a longer post…which I’ll write! It’s a great question and one that is particularly relevant this time of year.
      Short answer: I DO believe that such a friendship as you described (passionate, vibrant, life-bringing) can exist and that many experience it every day. But it takes regular work and maintenance.
      Thank you for your question! Keep an eye out for a post on this.

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      1. I know right ?! Tonight his words were: “Well you know it’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow. And I got you chocolate. Last week. When you asked me to pick some up for you. So…”
        (dust off hands…) My work here is done.
        HA! Happy chocolate day. (Last week.)

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